David J Johnson, Christian M Stewart, Brittany Farrow. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy. Volume 19, Issue 2. 2020.
Rape fantasies are not uncommon (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Grubb & Tarn, 2012; Joyal, Cossette, & Lapierre, 2015). Joyal, Cossette, and Lapierre (2015) found within their sample, 28.9% of female participants and 30.7% of male participants, reported having fantasized about being forced to have sex. Although more common than previously thought, women experiencing rape fantasies, and female sexual fantasies in general, have been historically stigmatized (Deutsch, 1944; Freud, 1962; Hawley & Hensley, 2009; Horney, 1967; Laumann, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994; Maslow, 1942). The dearth of research examining the role and influence female rape fantasies have in the life of the fantasizer, as well as their couple relationship is further evidence of the stigmatization of this form of sexual expression (Critelli & Bivona, 2008). Examining the intricacies and impact of having a rape fantasy on a woman’s own psychopathology and romantic relationship illuminates broad ramifications to individuals and couples who experience these fantasies (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Kanin, 1982).
As rape carries deeply held meanings, which are interwoven throughout an individual’s psychology, culture, religion, and social norms, experiencing a rape fantasy may have significant psychopathological and clinical implications for the fantasizer and their sexual or romantic partner (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Kanin, 1982). Having a theoretical approach in their repertoire will ultimately help clinicians address the interpersonal, relational, and societal influences and associated negative effects of rape fantasy experienced by individuals and couples. One such approach, The Intersystem Approach (Weeks, 1989), directly addresses individual, relational, and cultural dynamics in the context of couple and sex therapy, and as such, is a meta-model that is well-suited to treat couples experiencing distressing rape fantasies.
Due to the potential systemic and intrapersonal nature of rape fantasies, the authors argue that the Intersystem Approach is well-equipped to address the intricate clinical needs of couples who seek sex therapy for rape fantasy distress. The primary purposes of this conceptual paper are to review the limited existing literature on rape fantasies, provide a rationale for further research in this area, and conceptualize a theoretical framework for clinical application. This will be accomplished through the use of a clinical vignette applying the Intersystems Approach to a clinical couple experiencing relational distress due to a rape fantasy. Adding to existing research will ultimately help clinicians conceptualize treatment for the possible individual and relational ramifications of distressing rape fantasies.
Literature Review
Sexual Fantasy
Sexual fantasies have been defined as cognitions that contribute to both mental and physical stimulation, such as enhancing sexual desire and experiencing, maintaining arousal, or leading to orgasm (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Davidson & Hoffman, 1986; Ellison, 2011; Friedman & Downey, 2000; Kahr, 2007). Additionally, Leitenberg and Henning (1995) suggest that understanding sexual fantasies is key to understanding a significant aspect of human sexuality. Being deliberate, unconstrained, and private, makes sexual fantasies of particular interest to sex therapists since a lack of sexual fantasy is associated with sexual dysfunction (Wu, Ku, & Zaroff, 2016). Little is known about contributing factors to sexual fantasy content (Birnbaum, Mikulincer, & Gillath, 2011), yet some indicate a correlation between sexual fantasies of force and a positive view of self and sexuality, especially among females (Bivona, Critelli, & Clark, 2012).
Rape Fantasy
Female rape fantasies are a type of sexual fantasy that involves the use and risk of physical force and subsequent helplessness to compel the woman into sexual activity against her will (Bivona & Critelli, 2009). Thus, they could involve both being forced into a sexual interaction and forcing another into a sexual interaction. A clear distinction of rape fantasy is not wanting the crime of rape to actually occur but imagining its occurrence in a playful daydream (Katehakis, 2017). Female rape fantasies have suffered the same stigmatization of all other types of female sexual fantasy, often facing accusation of pathology by historical and traditional researchers and theorists (Deutsch, 1944; Freud, 1962; Hawley & Hensley, 2009; Horney, 1967; Laumann et al., 1994; Maslow, 1942).
Estimates of over 90% of rape fantasies are identified as either erotic and aversive or just erotic, with many rape fantasies not actually being realistic depictions of rape (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Bivona et al., 2012). Determining the frequency of female rape fantasy is difficult, due to the fluctuation across studies. Pelletier and Herold (1988) found that 51% of their female participants reported having fantasies involving them being forced to have sex with a man, and 18% reported fantasies involving them being forced to have sex with more than one man (as cited in Martin, Smith, & Quirk, 2016). After reviewing the literature on rape fantasy, Critelli and Bivona (2008) determined that between 31% and 57% of women experience fantasies involving forced sex, and between 9% and 17% report this fantasy as being frequent.
Although researchers across many domains have examined female rape fantasy, various deficiencies have been identified (Critelli & Bivona, 2008; Hershfield, 2009; Kanin, 1982; Kowalik, 2018). One of the most significant deficiencies is the inconsistent definitions for what exactly constitutes rape fantasy, as the definitions used vary considerably across the literature. Critelli and Bivona (2008) constructed a detailed chart which compares multiple studies on rape fantasies, including construction of definitions of the term rape fantasy. Among these definitions, the words “overpowered” and “forced” were found to be most frequently used. This may be because the word “rape” induces intense and negative emotions, which may lead to a lack of acknowledging or accurately defining a fantasy as being a rape fantasy. Further complicating our understanding of female rape fantasy are the inconsistent measures of frequency within the literature (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Critelli & Bivona, 2008; Grubb & Tarn, 2012; Joyal et al., 2015).
Contextual Factors
Some explanations are given as to why women elicit rape fantasies to increase arousal when the majority of women are repulsed by actual rape. Masochism, sexual blame avoidance (Bivona & Critelli, 2009), openness to sexual experience (Gold et al., 1991; Pelletier & Herold, 1988; Strassberg & Lockerd, 1998), desirability (Hariton & Singer, 1974; Kanin, 1982; Knafo & Jaffe, 1984), male rape culture (Brownmiller, 1975), biological predisposition to surrender, sympathetic activation and adversary transformation (Anderson, 2011; Kowalik, 2018) are identified. Rape fantasy may be a way for women to remove the anxiety and pressure to perform during sexual interactions and removing these distractions and the responsibility of being a performer, rape fantasies may allow for uninhibited arousal and sexual pleasure. This reinforces the belief that sexual fantasies, in general, help focus one’s attention on erotic scenarios that induce sexual desire and enhance sexual intimacy (Ellison, 2011). However, sexual submission and rape fantasy are only acceptable within a culture or society that does not condone them (Friedman & Valenti, 2008). Societal schemas (i.e., patriarchal law; Kowalik, 2018) and expectations have a significant influence on sexuality and sexual preferences.
Guilt and shame perpetuate the stigmatization and pathologizing of female rape fantasy (Cado & Leitenberg, 1990; Ellison, 2011; Nobre & PintoGouveia, 2008; Pelletier & Herold, 1988; Renaud & Byers, 2001). Women who experience a high level of sexual guilt report erotic fantasies to be less pleasurable, enjoyable and interesting when compared to women with low levels of sexual guilt (Bond & Mosher, 1986). Sex guilt and/or shame in women can even lead to the absence of sexual fantasy or desire (Ellison, 2011; Renaud & Byers, 2001), resulting in an ebb and flow of sexual pleasure and performance (Gurevich, Vasilovsky, Brown-Bowers, & Cosma, 2015). A woman with strong religious observances or spiritual values may experience increased sexual guilt and shame with rape fantasy (Ellison, 2011) and self-critical schemas contribute to this guilt due to the connection between affective cognitions and moral judgment (Nobre & Pinto-Gouveia, 2008).
Within dyadic relationships, sexual fantasies, especially female rape fantasies, are considered to be private and personal, and couples may have a difficult time discussing them (Coffelt & Hess, 2006, as cited in Anderson, 2011). Despite this, sharing sexual fantasies with a sexual partner may be a way of adding passion and appeal to a sexual relationship that has become too familiar and particular (Anderson, 2011). Individually and traditionally, however, female rape fantasies have been stigmatized, pathologized, and accused of being naturally masochistic, submissive, riddled with inhibitions, resulting in an overwhelming pressure to suppress feelings of dominance (Deutsch, 1944; Freud, 1962; Hawley & Hensley, 2009; Horney, 1967; Laumann et al., 1994; Maslow, 1942). Experiencing rape fantasies is not indicative of abnormal psychology nor are they unusual (Critelli & Bivona, 2008), and women who experience them are often found to possess a more positive view of self and their own sexuality (Bivona et al., 2012; Shulman & Horne, 2006). Further, the term “fantasy” is not suggestive of a desire to have an actual experience or that that event is even seen as pleasurable (Bivona & Critelli, 2009).
Rationale
Clinicians working predominantly with couples seeking treatment for psychosexual and other relational issues will likely explore the complex intricacies of, and the role played by, cognitions and fantasies within the couple context. Although historically stigmatized, female sexual fantasies are now regarded as normative among clinicians and researchers alike (Cado & Leitenberg, 1990; Jones & Barlow, 1990; Strassberg & Lockerd, 1998). During the process of therapeutic assessment and inquiry regarding rape and other sexual fantasies, discrepancies in cognitive and emotional arousal, along with varying levels of distress and cognitive dissonance may be identified, as they occur in a couple relationship. Preoccupied with the perception of the normalcy of their sexual fantasies, couples may seek validation from a clinician. As such, clinicians have the unique opportunity to introduce, by means of psychoeducation, the role and purpose of fantasies, as well as potentially debunk any myths that couples hold about sexual fantasies.
Couples seeking therapeutic services do so for a variety of different reasons. Doss, Simpson, and Christensen (2004), found that issues involving intimacy and sex were among the ten most common reasons participant couples sought out therapy. Although issues surrounding shared or nonshared rape fantasies are not likely to be the presenting problem of couples seeking therapy, these sexual fantasies may play a pivotal role in a couple’s intimate or sexual dysfunction that ultimately leads them to seek services. During a thorough assessment, individuals in couple therapy may be experiencing dissonance surrounding their rape fantasy, along with fear of disclosing this fantasy to their partner. Another issue related to female rape fantasy likely to manifest during assessment could include conflict following disclosure of a distressing rape fantasy. This conflict could further be compounded if the fantasizer has a desire to act out this fantasy within her romantic partnership, which may be distressing to her partner. Equally as problematic is the scenario in which a woman may have a distressing rape fantasy and after disclosing it to her sexual partner, her partner may have a desire to act out that fantasy, thus exacerbating her distress.
Clinical Application
Theories/Models
Many therapeutic models are available to clinicians when conceptualizing sex therapy cases. Each model has its strengths, weaknesses and unique implications for lasting therapeutic outcomes. Given the heavy influences from multiple personal and interpersonal domains that suspend the issues regarding rape fantasies leading a client to seek treatment, the authors assert that the use of the Intersystem Approach allows clinicians the most room for maneuverability in treatment, while addressing the presenting problem in the most comprehensive way possible (Weeks, 1989; Weeks & Gambescia, 2015; Weeks & Hof, 1994).
Rape fantasies are emotionally and sexually charged and by nature are influenced by internal and external forces. Thus, it is vital when dealing with rape fantasies in therapy that an approach to therapy is used in which all such forces are addressed. The Intersystem Approach, when used as a framework for treatment, addresses five domains of function: individual/ biological, individual/psychological, couple dynamics, intergenerational influences, and societal/cultural/religious influences (Weeks & Gambescia, 2015). Using this framework, the clinician can address the internal aspects such as problematic sexual schemas and scripts, self-talk, and any biological or medical factors that may be underlying in the presenting case. The framework can also identify larger influences such as socio-cultural norms, religious beliefs, and influences from one’s family of origin.
Applying the Intersystem Approach with a client constellation presenting with an issue regarding a rape fantasy, it is important for the clinician to assess any individual issues regarding the client’s physical health, and any concealed psychopathology that may need to be addressed during the course of treatment. Barring any medical or physical impediments to treatment, careful consideration should be paid to possible negative self-talk, or skewed sexual schemas the client may be holding. The schemas, scripts, and self-talk that the client holds may have been passed down or learned from the client’s family of origin. Thus, as a part of the assessment, it behooves the clinician to inquire about the client’s family of origin. This may be done using a sexually focused genogram (Berman, 1999; Weeks, Gambescia, & Hertlein, 2016).
While exploring the client’s intergenerational influences, the systemic clinician may assess the functioning of the relational or couple dynamics of the client. During this relational assessment, issues regarding couple communication, relational roles, and power must be considered (Anderson, 2011; Weeks et al., 2016). Finally, contextual factors such as the client’s sociocultural environment, religious beliefs, and values must be explored and considered as part of the Intersystem assessment (Weeks et al., 2016). Knowing a client espouses a Western ideology, such as is predominant in the United States, is valuable information a clinician can use to inform their practice. An example of this are the influences of rape culture and feminist ideology that exist as a part of the larger Western society (Critelli & Bivona, 2008; Rowntree, 2013).
Interventions
Utilizing the Intersystem Approach makes room for tailored interventions for specific individualized client needs and a therapist’s personal model of therapy (Weeks & Hof, 1994). Independent of the therapist’s preferred model of therapy, interventions that lend themselves well when working with rape fantasy as conceptualized in the context of the Intersystem Approach are Cognitive-Behavioral in nature. Such interventions include: normalizing, psychoeducation, challenging cognitive distortions, and improving couple communication.
Clients often present to therapy in a crisis, when treating female clients experiencing rape fantasy distress, the crisis state of the client is often characterized by feelings of guilt and shame. It is then the first duty of the therapist to triage the case, assessing and determining what first needs to be addressed for the therapeutic work to move forward (Weeks et al., 2016). For a client seeking therapy primarily for relational or personal rape fantasy distress, it is imperative for the systemic clinician to validate and normalize the anxiety and stress the client presents. By validating the experience of the client while communicating the normative response they are experiencing, the therapist can reduce the overall anxiety in the room and help the client reach a place where assessment can then begin. During the assessment process, clinicians may continue to normalize the feelings and experiences of the client, while also providing the client system with psychoeducation regarding rape fantasy.
By normalizing and providing the client with psychoeducation regarding the prevalence and the function of rape fantasies, the clinician may help reduce the guilt and shame experienced by the client. After an assessment, the therapist can then tailor their effort in providing further psychoeducation and normalization to specific domains of the client’s life such as social, cultural, religious, or family of origin (Weeks et al., 2016). This added knowledge can also be used to challenge cognitive distortions held by the client that are reinforcing flawed sexual schemas.
Once the client has been provided with accurate knowledge regarding rape fantasies, a clinician may then work to resolve deeply held shame and guilt by challenging the client’s cognitive distortions that may be propagated by a client’s family of origin, societal norms, culture, or historical myths (Weeks et al., 2016). Challenging cognitive distortions may also be used as a catalyst to enhance couple communication in dyadic client constellations, as couples are allowed space to communicate and discuss unhelpful cognitions and automatic thoughts causing distress or strain in the relationship.
When providing dyadic therapy for a client couple, it is important for the clinician to keep in mind the effects that sharing or not sharing the rape fantasy may have or has had on the relationship. Care must be taken to help the couple improve their communication, particularly around 1) sexual topics and desires in order to reduce anxiety and stress in the relationship; and 2) the sexual expression of rape fantasies. Addressing and resolving relationship issues existing in the dyad becomes key, as a therapist aims to use this new space to expand the sexual repertoire to provide a safe space for the rape fantasy (Weeks et al., 2016).
Case Example
John and Sally came to therapy seeking help with Sally’s difficulty expressing her emotions and engaging in sexual role-play activities. Upon further inquiry, the therapist was informed that the specific role play activity that Sally struggled with was a sexual role-play in which John rapes Sally. John expressed to the therapist that he is baffled at why this is so problematic for Sally, as she was the one who disclosed to John that she had the rape fantasy and often rehearsed it in her mind during masturbation. Sally agrees with John that she did, in fact, disclose this fantasy and finds it very arousing. She even asked that they engage in sexual role-play activities, in the first place. During that time, however, it became alarming to her the amount of anxiety she experienced, rather than the pleasurable feelings she has come to expect during masturbation.
John, wanting to be a supportive boyfriend, suggested they seek help in the form of therapy. Upon questioning the couple, the therapist discovered that, although Sally was physically and psychologically healthy, she did experience a traumatic break-up with her past romantic partner upon disclosing her rape fantasy. Sally reports that although she did not give her rape fantasy much thought before this instance since that relationship ended she has felt increased guilt and shame when she thinks about how much she enjoys the fantasy and how much she would like to share it with her partner. She is worried that there is something wrong with her and says she wishes she would have not disclosed this fantasy to John because she now fears their relationship may dissolve.
While assessing Sally’s feelings of anxiety, shame, and guilt for her sexual desires and fantasy, the therapist begins to explore Sally’s sexual schemas. During this time, Sally reports that growing up in her family, sex was rarely talked about and when it was, it was always in the form of hushed whisperings with the overall feeling that this was something that should never be discussed, let alone done. Sally reported experiencing feelings of guilt and shame when she began masturbating and these feelings increased when she became sexually active at sixteen.
John frequently expresses to Sally that he is in full support of her exploring her sexual desires and fantasies, but the therapist notices John can be a little preemptive or pushy at times in eager anticipation of sexual contact. Sally goes on to report feeling further guilt about experiencing pleasure around an experience that would be so damaging if it occurred in real life, and that she feels hesitant to fully engage in the role play because she feels that she may be sending a message to John that taking advantage of a woman in a sexual way is permissible. Thus, Sally reports that she feels torn. On the one hand, wanting to explore and share this fantasy with John and include it in a sexual roleplay they could engage in from time to time is permissible. On the other hand, Sally feels that this is something bad or shameful and should not be done because it may have the potential to end her relationship. This causes her to fear that John would then seek to engage in this behavior with someone who doesn’t share the same “weird” fantasy.
Discussion
This case illustrates a clinical presentation in which a rape fantasy is at the center of the presenting problem. Upon initial presentation, John and Sally are in a crisis in which Sally is doubting the future success of their relationship, which causes her more anxiety. Feelings of shame and guilt are ultimately putting a strain on the relationship. Using the Intersystem Approach, the therapist must first triage the case, ruling out any physical or psychological pathology that may be underlying. After ruling out these aspects, the therapist may validate and normalize the feelings of stress that Sally is experiencing, given her relationship history.
After addressing Sally’s state of crisis by reducing her anxiety to a level that allows for further assessment to take place, the therapist may decide to begin providing some psychoeducation to Sally and John reassuring them that rape fantasies occur frequently and are considered very normative (Critelli & Bivona, 2008). While normalizing and providing psychoeducation, the therapist may explore the strengths and weaknesses of John and Sally’s dyadic relationship, assessing what changes need to occur to assist Sally to resolve her feelings of guilt and shame.
At this point in treatment, after assessing the dyadic relationship, the therapist may decide whether to explore Sally’s family of origin and how her sexual schemas may have developed. The therapist may also address the broader social context of rape culture that seems to be perpetuating the feelings of guilt, shame, and fear that Sally is experiencing regarding her rape fantasy. Regardless of which domain the therapist decides to start with, they have the opportunity to strengthen John and Sally’s communication skills, as they explore the messages that are being communicated to Sally from either her family of origin or the society and culture in which she lives.
The systemic therapist may have John help challenge the cognitive distortions Sally is experiencing that support her skewed sexual schema while simultaneously helping John step into a more supportive role for Sally by slowing down their sexual communication and having John reflect back the feelings Sally reports experiencing. By repositioning John in his role as a supportive partner, challenging Sally’s cognitive distortions regarding what it means to have and enjoy a rape fantasy, and providing education on what rape fantasies are, mean, and say about the fantasizer, the therapist is working with all three systems at play in this case: the individual/psychological, dyadic, and sociocultural. By addressing all three systems and helping change to occur in each system the therapist is increasing the chances of long-lasting change in the client constellation (Weeks & Cross, 2004).
Conclusion
Although female rape fantasies have largely been overlooked in theoretical and clinical research, contemporary studies have found that females experiencing rape fantasies are common (Bivona & Critelli, 2009; Critelli & Bivona, 2008; Grubb & Tarn, 2012; Joyal et al., 2015). Given the potential of these fantasies to contribute to psychological, relational, or social distress in an individual or couple that experience them, it is important for clinicians to be equipped to address the many domains of life this particular issue may impact. The Intersystem Approach offers clinicians a framework with which to conceptualize treatment for individuals and couples experiencing a distressing rape fantasy. Application of this meta-model has been illustrated herein.
Highlighting all possible interventions available to clinicians who treat couples struggling with intimacy problems related to rape fantasy is beyond the scope of this paper. Therefore, the interventions outlined, are those that lay the foundation for additional clinical work and can be effectively applied to working with women who experience rape fantasies in a couple context (Weeks et al., 2016). Future empirical research is needed to fully explore the efficacy of the use of the Intersystem Approach with this clinical population. Thus, it cannot fully be stated that the Intersystem Approach is more empirically sound, compared to other modalities, when treating women and couples experiencing rape fantasy distress. However, the authors assume the literature that does exist, which examines the Intersystem Approach, as well as literature examining female rape fantasy has been justly reviewed.
More in-depth discussion is needed concerning the treatment of female rape fantasy, specifically considering the complex issue of fantasy disclosure within the couple context. Additionally, there is need for research to be conducted supporting the use of systemic modalities of treatment, such as the Intersystem Approach, in treating negative psychological and relational attributes associated with female rape fantasy. In some ways, this conceptual paper adds to existing literature and perhaps narrows the gap between knowledge and practice. Due to the potential systemic consequences associated with of rape fantasy, the Intersystem Approach provides clinicians and researchers alike, an effective meta-model with which to conceptualize the role and function of female rape fantasy. Which, when considered inclusively, will likely diminish perpetuation of the pathologizing and stigmatizing view of healthy female sexual expression.